Archive for December, 2006
Wanna Cruise With Me? I Was Dumped!
CJ December 28th, 2006
When the world gives you lemons…make lemonade with a stranger!
A desperate groom, dumped at the altar didn’t want to lose his holiday and hotel costs for a honeymoon trip he and his ex-fiance, was-to-be-wife were supposed to take. What to do?
Check on EBay! He has posted a cruise with a nice guy for a Couples Swept Away resort and spa at Negril, Jamaica! Adam Croot has the right idea. Take the holiday and the bare cost and post it for all to see, and bid!
Wouldn’t it be poetic justice if this man found the real girl of his dreams on EBay? I’ll buy THAT for a dollar!
Wait ’til I Finish My Beer, Occifer!
CJ December 28th, 2006
What is the obsession with beer? It seems some people will do anything for that last quaff 
of alcohol!
After being pulled over by a state trooper in Manchester, New Hampshire, Patrick Allain decided to chug his beer while taking the DUI tests and then being handcuffed.
It just goes to show you, how beer can be more important than your own health, safety, and courtesy to the man who is arresting you.
I Can’t Work, I’ve been Kidnapped!
CJ December 28th, 2006
What some people won’t do to get out of a work day.
A woman faked her own kidnapping rather than show up for her shift at a fast food restaurant in Germany. She sent her parents a text message about being kidnapped, and showed up a day later stating her kidnappers let her free.
Her main excuse for not going to work? She owed a fellow worker some money and didn’t want to face them. Now she gets to pay a $1000 fine for her troubles!
I think she wins the “three fries short” award of the week!
The “Kraken” Lives!
CJ December 22nd, 2006
A giant squid was captured by some fisherman in Tokoy Japan.
The beast measured 11ft 
6in long and made some zoologists
very happy campers!
The legend of the Kraken is told by sailors in Norway during the 1800’s as to the explanation of damaged or sinking ships. Tails of giant squids attacking ships as well as other sea monsters may have been inspired by animals such as the one caught on Tokyo.
Who knows? Maybe we’ll get to see Nessie up close and personal soon!
A Side of Fries with My Dead Cat, Please
CJ December 22nd, 2006
Ick! Why someone would throw a dead cat into a McDonald’s drive through is beyond me. McDonald’s gets their cats fresh of the farm for cryin’ out loud!
Apparantly some rather rude kids decided to take a day old road kill and play a prank on the hapless drive-thru attendents in Cedar Rapids Iowa. And of all things, it was a black cat. On purpose?
I can have a sick sense of humor, but that is beyond sick. Come on, whatever happened to fun things like spraying someone with a water fire extinguisher?
Hibernation 101
CJ December 21st, 2006
One more thing we can learn from animals, and that’s how to hibernate during the winter!
A man in western Japan survived for over three weeks while lost in the mountains. He lost conciousness after slipping and hitting his head on the way to a BBQ. His body went into a state of hibernation, body temperature falling to 71 degrees and his bodily functions all but shut down.
After he was discovered, the doctors were able to revive him and stated he would gain 100% recovery with no brain damage.
Take THAT Yogi !
X-Ray the Baby Too
CJ December 21st, 2006
If they aren’t leaving babies in shopping carts, they are sending through the X-Ray machine at the airport!
A woman gaining access to the flight area in an airport place a car seat with her 1 month old grandson inside! Luckily a worker noticed the baby on the machine and promptly removed the baby and the seat from the machine.
Doctors later determined that the baby had not received a high dose of radiation that would harm him. Betcha later on, though, he grows a third arm.
One Less Kid
CJ December 19th, 2006
Ok, what is up with parents these days? If they are not leaving them in a car on a hot summer day, they are leaving them in a shopping cart at Toys ‘R Us!
Apparantly, due to a miscommunication, the mother left in one car while the dad left in another, picking up all but one child, a baby, before leaving the parking lot.
The three month old sat in the cart for over an hour before shoppers noticed her sitting there and contacted the police. No charges were filed and it was chalked up to a misunderstanding rather than abandonment.
I’ll bet they made sure they got all their purchases loaded up though!
Why Men Read Porn
CJ December 19th, 2006
Why do men look at porn, go to prostitutes and cheat? Because some of us have head injuries. Yeah! No… really. It’s because we got that bonk on the head at work, remember? That baseball bat hitting us across the forehead in our youth…seriously!
Here’s proof! A man in London sued his employment company after receiving a blow on the head after falling from a gantry. He was in a coma for two months and when he awoke…he was a libidinous, horndog.
A judge ordered his former employer to cough up 3.1 million pounds for making him so randy and ruining his marriage.
Ok, I gotta remember that the next time I go to a strip joint!
Just Say No!
CJ December 19th, 2006
Here’s a lesson for anyone who uses crack - never complain to a cop about bad drugs!
A woman in North Carolina was upset because she purchased some crack off the street, “wasn’t very good”. She decided to make her point by removing the rock from her mouth and gave it to a Putnam County Sheriff for his honest opinion.
He gave his opinion. He told her she was arrested for possesion of crack cocaine. Then he finished by saying she should not do it again so she won’t have to worry about less than perfect illegal drugs!
Sheesh, the nerve of some drug dealers…
Marriage Goes to the Dogs
CJ December 18th, 2006
Here is living proof that marriage is a sanctity, and that everyone should be doing it!
In New Delhi, 18 dogs, alone, without a partner, were paired up to be married off and celebrate in style with a reception, complete with dancing, music, and dog biscuits! Sounds fair to me, why not?
Not according to the People For Animals (PFA) who claim that forcing dogs to marry and dance is just plain cruel. What the hell? Cruel? They’re getting a lot of attention, what’s cruel about that?
Now why would someone want to ruin that? It sounds like fun! The dogs are spoiled, have a few drinks, a few howls. And get laid! Of course, they are the only ones that can call their new brides, bitches…
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