Archive for the 'Animals' Category
Sex, Dogs, and Rock ‘n Roll
CJ April 15th, 2007
A dog in Berlin Germany, apparantly bored waiting for his master in a truck, accidently 
turned on his radio and blasted out the neighborhood.
The radio was turned up so loud, police were contacted and arrived at the scene to find the dog inside the car with the loud radio. The police cut the power to the radio and, rather than pissing off the black Lab, left a note for the owner.
The owner, discovering the note, contacted the police to apologize for his dog’s taste in music. The man stated he never listened to loud music himself.
Deer John…
CJ March 24th, 2007
Some people are just plain lonely. It doesn’t take much to find love in all the wrong places.
A 20 year old man now resides at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minnesota for having sexual contact with a dead deer. Apparantly, this isn’t the first time he has sought animal lust.
“The type of behavior is disturbing,” Judge Michael Lucci said. “It’s disturbing to the public. It’s disturbing to the court.”
Back in 2005, the suspect purposely killed a horse with the full intent of having sexual relations with it.
It’s pretty bad when you can’t even make it with a live animal. Such a pity.
Two Sides of Ham, Please!
CJ March 14th, 2007
Liu Shuping, a farmer specializing in 
raising pigs, presents a newly-born
piglet with one head, two mouths,
two noses and three eyes. Experts attributed it’s condition to genetic variation.
The pig now resides in Northwest China. What’s up with all the freaky animals?
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Tastes Like Chicken!
CJ March 8th, 2007
It was just a matter of time, but the other white meat has prevailed as the favorite among beef. Or calf in this case.
In India, the villagers of Chandpur watched in horror as a calf would approach the hen coop and devour chickes in a matter of minutes. A local vet believes that though this is rare, it does happen, usually because the animal is not getting sufficient minerals in its diet.
The calf, named Lal, has become somewhat of a sensation, and villagers have been flocking to see the chicken-eating calf tend to its daily meals.
Guards have been placed around the hen coop to ensure there are no midnight snacks for the calf, and he is now feeding upon the grass as he should be. Some of the villagers believe the calf was once a tiger in his past life.
I think PETA and all the vegans should get together and protest the calf.
Man Bites Dog
CJ February 7th, 2007
In New Zealand, a couple of would-be robbers were cornered by police and a police dog. One was smart enough to run into the police officers’ hands, the other decided to fight back and pulled out a knife.
That’s when the police sent in Edge, their police dog, to take the suspect down. Not wanting to be bitten first, the suspect chomped down onto the dog before the dog had a chance to drop him.
Edge was not put off by the suspect and sunk his own teeth in. The suspect went down and was taken to the hospital with lacerations.
I heard that dog meat was a delicacy, but sheesh!
Hair Treatment is Bull
CJ February 3rd, 2007
Owner Hari Salem told media that he tried hundreds of products, including wild avocados 
and truffle oil, before hitting on bull semen as the elusive element.
Hari owns a salon in London where he offers a 45 minute hair treatment that involves massaging protein-rich bull semen and plant roots into the client’s hair. The stylists claim the semen is kept refrigerated and has no smell, leaving the client’s hair soft and thick. (somehow soft and thick gives a really bad visual here!)
Hari only uses top bred bulls and will continue this treatment as long as the bulls can keep the supply going.
I hope the clients don’t freak everytime they see a red cloth in front of them! (ick)
Hungry Python Eats 11 Dogs
CJ January 28th, 2007
In Kuala Lumpur, a 23 foot python found the motherlode when it came on s fruit orchard guarded by dogs. The python proceeded to devour 11 dogs before it was finally captured.
The python was almost as wide as a tennis court and as thick as a tree branch! The villagers, surprisingly, turned the snake over to authorties rather than killing it.
Note for the future: Get bigger dogs!
